Ian Swenson .com

For the record, I’ve never been a big fan of KFC, but I’m an equal opportunity critic.

This advert actually made news, as you can see here and here.

First of all, the reason the commercial caught the attention of the likes of MSNBC wasn’t its lack of quality (all though it should’ve), it was because it had a “subliminal” message tucked away in it. I don’t believe this version posted on YouTube contains it, because I have yet to be able to find it.

Then ABC actually pulled it from the air because of the subliminal messaging. They undoubtedly received dozens of calls from viewers complaining that their children were beginning to become homicidal maniacs at the behest of KFC. Way to bow to pressure alphabet soup network.

My real gripe, however, is the commercial’s content. Let me count the ways:

1. Two idiots (I use that term nicely) go to an obvious toll booth, but they have neglected to bring change since they just visited KFC. They are (A) dumb as Jessica Simpson and (B) rude as Paris Hilton.

2. Everyone behind them in a horrific traffic jam honks until they realize the poor fools in front of them ran out of money because of their ill-advised chicken splurge. Instead of getting angry about this, people yell to confirm the facts. No folks, they don’t want to know when they can get going to important economic, familial, or masterbatorial functions. Nope. They just want to make sure that KFC is selling a piece of 30¢ chicken for only 99¢ at KFC (plus tax, of course).

3. Some yahoo truck driver uses his good ‘ol fashioned CB to say (in CB code, mind you) that “looks like we got a snacker backer here.” That’s right. He said, “snacker backer.” It rhymes you see, thus it must be funny. Or annoying–I keep mixing those two up.

4. Out of all of this, people seem not in the least bit miffed. KFC has solved all of their problems. They can sit here for hours, nay, days with the thought of these ultra-cheap, ultra-untasty cheese snackers running around their evacuated craniums. Instead of being upset that they can’t actually, oh, I don’t know, go to KFC because of a traffic jam caused by mentally defected ignoramuses.

Heavy traffic or traffic jams are extremely annoying to me. That feeling I am sure is shared by a few others. A commercial that reminds me of that annoyance, well, it’s just plain annoying.

Legalese and Butt-Saving Language available here.

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