Ian Swenson .com

This isn’t the precise commercial I want to lambaste (which, btw, I just looked up to make sure I was using it correctly, and the entry made me laugh: to beat or whip severely). But it’ll do.

They’ve been playing the remixed version of this commercial a lot during Sunday football games.

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Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m no bobble-head hater. Plus, the music in this commercial is somewhat cool.

In the version that they are playing every commercial break here during football games is from the perspective of the poor schmuck just waiting for people to visit his lowly gas station. He’s just standing there … waiting … and waiting … waiting for these chic people in their fancy Jeep Compass to come drive up and pump his gas therefore allowing him to put food on the table for his wife, two grown kids who still live at home, and their brood of six ragamuffins.

That’s right, I have empathy for this guy. These Jeepies drive back-and-forth, back-and-forth for no apparent reason. Then the Jeep bastards drive up, bringing poor old gas man’s hopes to a zenith. I can pay the employees! Mashed potatoes and gravy tonight!

But nay! It was all a ruse in order to (environmentally consciously) throw away their (non-environmentally conscious) Styrofoam cup. Curses! Foiled again! Then the pricks drive off in their 30-mph highway Jeep (really, who are we kidding with that number?). Now gas man has to empty that trash and tell his wife, kids, and grandkids that no one’s eating tonight again.

Besides my fictional narrative here, my real beef with the (remixed) commercial is its ensuing boredom. There’s no voiceover in it (unlike this version), and it consists of someone waiting, and waiting, ’til cool people come around in their cool Jeep so they can spend cool money on his lowly gas. That’s the way it feels and it’s quite insulting. Sure, it says, “Buy a Jeep and you’ll be cool.” But it also says, “Buy a Jeep and you’ll be a dick.”

Legalese and Butt-Saving Language available here.

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